人生若只如初見

終於知道econ個mid-term成績了! 32/40…雖然above mean, 但明顯地我要的不是above mean. 我太壞了, 今個sem其實只有70%devoted to school work, 70%中又有10%弄這弄那, 呢呢呢, 而今又要再見多次exchange的不知哪位, 又要搞轉major. 成績不夠好是正常的, 只是心情抑鬱中…

今天要找的一本書, 附近的書局都沒有, 氣壞人的是商務那位阿姐說沒有! 不會有! 但我跑到尖沙咀商務, 那位又說, 其實有一本在銅鑼灣, 只是有學校book咗. well, 頭頭碰着黑的, 我需要一點時間和空間思考. 我要什麼, 我該怎做.

或者, 我需要恨, 恨能給我力量, 不需要愛. 你不是我的什麼, 我不是你的什麼, 但我見到你的ex寫的東西時竟莫名地不爽(雖然指的60%不是你), 我想, 我想得太多了, 不應被莫名的感情牽着走.

( just found a passage that i've writen on xanga private on 17/3 which was quite interesting, didn't post that out becoz… well, sb very important to me read xanga and i really dun wanna make myself freaky:P)

you guys know that whoever i encountered in astron field(or those seem to be interested), i'd ask one question: why we should search for oxygen for extra-terrestrial living things, and also, why carbon base but not the others? usually i don't get a gd ans (or i simply don't have their knowledge to understand…) so again i caught my astron professor and asked: why?

he frowned and looked at me seriously, “in fact you are right. the way you are thinking is right. but what is your definition of 'living things'?” then i knew the answers. he continued, “the definition of living things is too broad that human beings cannot have a target in the outer-space. so we have to limit the definition of “living things” into oxygen depending, carbon-based life form. in fact there can be silicon-based life-form…”

i asked him, wt about the UV or other radiation which is stronger, can there be anything living in areas/planets with strong radiation? he said,”well, yes. 1stly, there can be a completely different biological structure which can withstand the UV like wt we do for visible light, 2ndly, they may build up shells to protect themselves against UV. in fact, there are living things on Earth like that… cockroaches. cockroach's shell in fact can protect them from the UV, so human beings are more likely to die before the cockroaches if anything happens to Earth…” then he talked about cockroaches…

so ging!!!

sometimes i'd think about the phrase “God is love.” can there be any possibility that since this world is built of love… i don't know how to phrase it, well, a man and a woman get married becoz of love(maybe not), they take care of their kids becoz of love(some are not, but at least they had a little, right?), men love their brothers and sisters and if those brothers and sisters keep on having their kids, uncles and aunts love their niece or nephew and then neighbour and strangers… there would be a spiderweb of love, and that's how initially the world is built. so, “God is love” doesn't mean God has love, God is actually love. dunno, but obviously God is sth more than love.(God=love, love<>God) anyway, this world is base on love. nobody can say that he doesn't need love, everybody needs some. kids need their parents' attention: their definition of love. youngsters need to find their mr/miss right, passion for their dreams: their definition of love. couples need each other, take care of their parents and kids, take care of their work(oh yeah, they LOVE their work or power or money): their definition of love. love can have different definitions but whenever this world “love” appears, everyone knows what that is: that kind of emotion they've been so familiar since birth. and i sometimes wonder wt would happen or wt happens to the world where the logic is not base on love. dun really know wt i wanna say, ya, rule no. 1 on this world: love.

煩. 事情是這樣的: 一個不知天高地厚的小孩子的課程只需讀六科, 他選了八科, 16(15?)個credit他讀了20個. 好, sem2開始時還可以的, 測驗成績還不錯, 只是到了現在exchange啦, scholarship啦, exchange scholarship啦, 想話transfer到另一間學校啦, 一次過來料, 還有無盡的等待, 等待是最叫人心焦的, 明明說好會公佈的日期一拖再拖, 又常常看人家transfer那兒有沒有interview(時至今日仍未有呀哎呀呀~), 因為溫mid-term弄得課堂累積了未看的書/notes, 兩個字: 煩+死. 還未知死, 還要追網上小說, 一個不夠, 追夠七八個, 恭喜恭喜.

好啦好啦, 是時候收手了小朋友, 如果唔係就…咳, 個sem2 exam成績會靚仔到暈.

ps雖則如雲, 匪我思存. 原來我放不下你. 怎都放不下. 也不想放下. 但不放下又如何? 有能如何? 我和你的距離, 大概與我斷腸的次數成正例吧. 拖拖拉拉不是我的性格, 但怎麼我還是不能斷然放下你?

都怪我們太年輕, 以為什麼事只要全心全意全力做對得住天地良心便成, 以為天大地大瀟灑豁出去的都會回來, 到頭來, 一無所有. 我還以為, 我們狂得起, 我還以為, 我們拿得起放得低, 到頭來, 迷途了.(anyway, 我選擇堅持, 即使再碰得焦頭爛額也在所不惜, 要是你放棄了, 不要告訴我, 我不願知道.)